How to win friends?

This is not a review of the Book of the same name by Dale Carnege! I was away from English Blogs for the last one and half years, for the simple reason that, not many people bother to take a look at these Blogs, specially by amateures like me. So during my short but sweet stay at Rajahmundry, on the Banks of river Godavari, I switched to writing in my mother tongue Telugu, though I was quite apprehensive, the response was amazing!. May be Telugu readers believe in encouraging new talent ( if I can use the term, for all the crap I was writing!).Anyway, my ego was satisfied beyond imagination! There was nothing to stop me from posting almost Blog a day! I will be posting my 500th today, all in a matter of 1 year and 8 months! Not bad for a start is it not? The number of Hits also would cross a Lakh in the next few days!

Frankly speaking I had not read the Book by Dale Carnege, for the simple reason that these high sounding Books just fly over my head. I can neither understand nor implement all things mentioned in these books. At the end of the day, if you can not make a single friend, one's natural reaction would be to blame the Book and the methods suggested. Who am I to criticise a book of that proportions, just because I am not intelligent enough to understand those methods? So the best option is, not to step into an unknown territory and be happy. I prefer the later!

If one is keen to develop new friends, I feel one should have his 'own' methods. These are not 'verifiable', as these are neither documented for posterity, nor taught in any Management Institutes! Its just by experience, which anyway I have in plenty!

Meanwhile my son , in partnership with one of his friends, launched an online library. I was asked to take care of the Telugu section, and also get some customers. Writing abstracts of the 450 odd books was lot of fun. The task had since been completed for the existing books and all details have been uploaded. Now, the next job of finding potential customers for the venture, has brought all my experience to the fore.I travel a lot in Pune in the Bus, thanks to the Pune Municipal Corporation's very liberal scheme for Senior Citizens, I literally travel free, anywhere in the City!

I keep my eyes and ears open to identify a potential telugu reading customer. I keep a watch on anybody holding a Telugu Newspaper or a Magazine, obviously he can read Telugu,sometimes may be he is taking those for his wife or parents at home.Either way it is quite fine with me, to drive home the concept of an online library with the USP of delivering/collecting books at the doorstep! I first greet them and introduce myself.

We have around 5 Lakh Telugu speaking population in Pune thanks to the IT boom.Most of them have come thousand kilometers away from their home and it is always a welcome change to listen to somebody speaking the same language! However much we talk about Nationalism,non Regionalism etc..the language that too mothertongue is the Best bonding material.

I keep my 'Ear to the Ground' as James Hadley Chase puts it! Anybody speaking in Telugu, immediately activates my 'sensors' ! I adopt the same method as above. I have been successful in making about 50 friends in the last one and half years since I returned from Andhra. I now have to see how many of them would actually relish Telugu library. I am in Pune almost for 50 years, and except for a couple of Weekly and Monthly magazines,and two newspapers, nothing in Telugu is available here.What we have taken is a small step in cultivating the reading habits and making the site Reader friendly.

By the way none of my family members approve of my friendship making methods! They keep some distance from me and ready to 'disown' me in case some of my 'newly acquired friends' throw towel at me! The methods I am adopting are totally unconventional, but I am totally enjoying!

Experience 1966

Thought I would share my experience in Command Hospital, Poona ( now PUNE). It was 3 years after I joined my service. One day ,I suddenly developed some pain in the throat, I could not find the exact cause, and went to a Dentist,the chap gave some antibiotic and asked me to take rest. To my good fortune one of my friends from A F M C, visited me that evening. Having seen my predicament ( I could not even open my mouth), asked me to come to Command Hospital the next day. Promptly I landed there . One of the Professors, a Colonel was taking a class and my friend requested him to examine me.  He checked me and appeared to be so happy to get a rare Case of 

Ludwig's Angima ( thats what he called it ). Those were the early days when the Command Hospital was thrown open to the Civilians ( as AFMC was not getting enough varieties).He explained the whole thing to the Students. He advised my friend to admit me in the I C U. Then I thought the case must be very serious. I got admitted  there. Two Doctors  were attending on me throughout the night. by morning I became totally free and glanced around me to take stock of the situation. I observed that Two of my co patients had succumbed and passed away the previous night. I got scared and requested that I be shifted from there. The Doctor permitted  me to be shifted to the General ward.Being a patient from the ICU, I was asked to go in a Wheel Chair. You know, it is very uncomfortable to move in a Wheel Chair when you are hale and healthy ( which I was !!). For the first few days Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner used to be served in my Bed.  In the mornings, few Batches of Medical Students used to visit all the Patients in the process of learning. My Case being a " unique " one, I used to have a big rush. I enjoyed giving them a lecture . Only problem was that they used to give me Vitamin Injections twice a day. 

  After a week or so, I was asked to collect my  Lunch and Dinner.It used to be quite funny. One had to stand in a que along with the others who mostly happened to be from the Services.

 Finally after 3 Weeks of stay in the Hospital it was decided to discharge me. I was asked to report at the CO( Commanding Officer)'s office. It appears that  the CO would  enquire the health of the Patient and sign the Discharge Papers then and there.

   A sort of Dress Reharsel was conducted before the CO comes. All the concerned patients would be asked  to observe all Military formalities. I was the only civilian that day. Somehow my "performance" ( during the reharsel) did not come upto the required Standard, I was asked to be away from the Que.    It was forgotten to remove my Case Papers ( to be signed by the CO) from the Bunch. I was watching from the Sidelines. The Discharge Ceremony began as per Schedule.  One soldier was calling the name and  a chap from the Que would go before the CO, Salute him, the CO would enquire  " Theek hai  kya  ? ", the soldier would respond  " Haan saar ", the CO would sign the paper. So it went on for quite some time. Suddenly  they found that  one Case Sheet remained and there was nobody in the Que !! The CO got furious and demanded an explanation.  They then told him my Case and I was produced before him. He then asked me whether I was  Subedaar  Something( I donot remember what name it was!!). I replied emphatically that I was definetely NOT .   Somebody had already got discharged under my Name !! So the whole Exercise was repeated and order was set after quite some time. It was then decided that Civilians and Services  Patients would form separate columns to avoid any " impersonation " !! 

   The final Act in the Discharge drama took place in the Store. You are alloted a pair of Dress (two pyjamaas and shirts), a thali, a glass and a Towel. I ceremoniously took all these things to the Store for returning  and get a "Clearance " from them. Everything was fine till the concerned soldier said that the " Naadaa" of the Pyjama was missing. He was insisting that " Clearance" would not be given until all items are returned. So a Big idea came to me and I removed my Shoe lace and requested him to accept the same in place of the " NAADAA"!! he was happy and  I finally got my discharge from the Command Hospital.

Encounter with a "Gay"

I was only reading about these characters in different magazines. I had the shock of my life when I encountered "one " recently. I was waiting in Bhosle Nagar Bus stop waiting for the Bus.
Suddenly one "gentleman" , aged fiftyish offered me lift on his Scooter. It was quite hot out there at 12.00 Noon. I accepted the " offer" of "lift" and sat on the Pillion. He introduced himself as a Class I officer in Agricultural Department and working at Ahmed Nagar and that he is on vacation here.He started off and as we neared Military Hospital Khadki, the fellow literally started fondling my thighs and started holding my hands and also pulling me towards him,---all this while driving !!
I became very tense and started thinking how to avoid this situation.He was desperate and almost pulled me with his other hand. I really panicked and thinking about ways of escaping. Any rash movements on my part may end in a very nasty accident which may even be fatal. Fortunately, as we approached the Khadki Railway Station, there was Traffic Jam and he slowed down , all the while holding my hand and placing it " you know where"--- I took advantage of the traffic and jumped from the Scooter, the fellow started crying & begged me for my name and address. I took pity on him and gave some name and told that I stay in Mumbai etc..
I felt too embarassed and never wanted to share this "episode" with anybody.
I however informed my dear friend & guide that is my Family Doctor. He gave me the medical side of this disorder and to what desperate stage they would go etc.. He , in fact ,appreciated my timely action and insisted that I share this info. with as many people.
Moral of the Story : Please never " Offer " or " Accept " lift on a vehicle unless you are sure about the identity of the person.

Sun Glasses

When I came for joining Ordnance Factories way back in 1963, I remember my first "experience"
with Sun Glasses. Having come from an area in Andhra Pradesh, which was equivalent to a Town-- there was not much of development. Those were my first days of " Independence"--i.e. away from parental restrictions, no studies, lot of money( hard earned ! donot go by present day standards!).
I saw many people using Sun Glasses in Summer. I said to myself--why not me ? I got one from--of all places the Footpath ! Next day it was a Sunday and I was staying in Rasthapeth,I ventured out in hot Sun and suddenly sky became overcast and I went back to the Room and picked up my Umbrella ( the traditional type with a long handle--the folding type had not been introduced in the market yet ). So I started off again--with the Sun Glasses ( my proud possession)
and with an umbrella in hand. I was waiting to cross the Road. Suddenly there was a good Samaritan by my side and trying to help me cross the Road, and saying a few words of sympathy!
That was the last time I ever made an effort to go for Sun Glasses .

PAY SQUARE

I would like to bring to the notice of People the advantages (?) of utilising the services of Agencies who make tall claims of taking care of People's problems, as these poor creatures (mostly IT sector )either dont have time or not knowledgeable about the Government procedures.Take for example a simple thing of changing the Sur Name (Post marriage) on The PAN Card. Income Tax people say that it takes just 15 Days to issue the name change ( Provided all documents--marriage certificate, Residence proof etc) are submitted along with the original PAN card . This is exactly done by my daughter-in-law on one of those unfortunate days 24.11.2005 .(please note its 2005 and not 2006 !!!) to Pay Square( the so called Pay Roll People ). We gave the the Gestation period and enquired on 14 th Feb .about the status. They told there is Father's mismatch (Thank God only in Name !!! )and that we should go to UTI office in Pune and that we would get the PAN in 7 Days !! Anyway Paysquare was kind enough to collect all relevant documents and resubmit to UTI. Now this process of resubmitting the documentary proof of ancestral history has been done two more times. At the end of it all, Pay Square ( PayRoll people !!! ) say that its just their job is only to courier the things to UTI and that we have to follow it up. If we have the time in the first place, we would noy have gone to these chaps for Service. If they cannot facilitate the whole process why should they take up these jobs ? Another thing is that they have different characters to do these jobs !! Nobody is sure what the other does !!!

Finally I have taken up the case and after about 5 visits to local UTI office, innumerable phone calls to Mumbai ( local UTI says they are helpless !!! ) and a visit to Income Tax Office near Sadhu Vaswani Statue and a final confirmation from UTI Mumbai that the revised Card has been couriered.Again the PAN card has gone into a spin and it was in Space for three more days as UTI has given to the wrong couriers!!! The story has a happy ending. We got the revised PAN card on 7 - 10--2006.
Who is going to pay my expenses incurred for my visits to UTI & Income Tax office and various phone bills ?
I am writing all this so that no one will be lured by tall claims made by these Agencies. UTI office is open on Saturdays also and anybody can walk in and do the job personally and avoid all this anxiety and mental torture.
Thank God we got the card before the First Anniversary( No credit for PAY SQUARE (THE PAY ROLL PEOPLE !!!! )

Passport

This is the story of how I got my Passport . Generally there should not be much to write on this subject for ordinary mortals. But the Passport Office made mine a unique case.
After retirement in 2005 I thought of applying for a Passport. ( I do not have any intention of using it , as I am scared of Travel by Air & Sea. ). Its only for the heck of it !! Every Tom, Dick & Harry is applying & flaunting it. So why not I ? So I located one agent like character in my area.
I thought why not I get one for my wife. The agent came to our place with a bunch of Forms.Filling up my Form was fine. As far as my wife is concerned he wanted me to prove that we are married. Now after 34 years of our blessed married life somebody wants a documentary proof.( In our days there was no Registration Process). My son was always taunting that he was born out of wedlock as we did not have documentary proof . So the Agent chap said that an affidavit will be enough. ( I still do not understand the legal validity of these affidavits-- you commit a crime, and swear before some body and the deed becomes holy !!). Anyway, the Agent brought some Stamp Paper ( hopefully not the Telgi type ) and got it notarised and made it into an authenticated Document . So finally after 34 years our marriage had been blessed and recognised by the Law of the land !! Hope my son is now satisfied about the legality & legitamacy of his pedigree !!!
The agent submitted the Applications on 14 th June 2006 and informed that Police Verification would be done in a week and that Passports will be received in a maximum period of 21 Days . Even the Government does not give this kind of Guarantee !! Promptly one Police did visit our place and noted down the details. After a week I started visiting the Website of Indian Passport
to check the status-- it was written "Police Verification not received" --I thought that it may take some time ( as we know the police are busy protecting the precious lives of our politicians !!) and visited the website after another fortnight. There is some improvement-- " your application is under process "---so far good. After 3 months I visited the Passport office,the fellow told me that police had confirmed my honesty for only 11 months ( that unfortunately is the date on which my Ration Card address was modified to the present Address ). They wanted my old address along with two more photos , I promptly submitted. In fact this particular form with the old address was submitted along with the original one also, which was not taken into consideration. Then after waiting for 3 more months I visited the Passport officer and after waiting in Que for 4 Hours, the Officer ( incidentally this chap was PRO when my ordeal started
and even he got his promotion in these three months ) ,very sweetly says that my verification for the previous address was not received and wanted me to verify from the Police Commissioner's office. I very faithfully visited them.The concerned chap just brushes you out and vents his feelings about the Passport office and their lethargy etc... but blesses me with some 4 Digit Number under which my verification was forwarded. I trek back to Passport Office(hereinafter known as P.O ). Again stand for 4 Hours and meet the P.O , show him proudly my Number. He says " we are not challenging this but it refers only to 11 months ". He sweetly asked me to submit the Forms along with 2 photos all over again. Mind you this was the Fourth time I repeated this exercise and exhausted all my photos.( As one of my friends said --my photos are available in plenty with P.O and police-- which I hope they would not use them for some unsavoury purpose !! ) .To ensure proper receipt I was given the "Honourable Job of Courier" and went back to Police again. That was the Fourth Visit there. I was looking like a criminal, as the receptionist and the other police started greeting me !!!(they must be wondering whether I was a "seasoned criminal" or new entrant ). Meanwhile I started writing letters to the Editor in various Newspapers, visited Kiran Bedi's site ( just a day before she wrote an article in Asian Age glorifying the Police & P.O s.I shot of letters to her, Chief Passport officer,New Delhi , Public Grievance Cell New Delhi & even the President of India who all have kindly acknowledged my sad story and assured that the letters have been forwarded to the Ministry of External Affairs. Out of frustration I made a final visit to the Passport Office in february 2007 and the PRO (totally different character) who appeared to be very cooperative and courteous had gone through my case and expressed shock & surprise at this undue delay and even expressed regret. By the way we got our Passports exactly after 2 5 2 Days.
Government says we can get Passports online in 10 Days. What a Joke !!
My advice:
1. Never go through an Agent--you can yourself submit.
2. Never apply for a Passport unless you complete atleast 12-13 months at the present address.

Platform Ticket

Experience teaches a person a lot. I thought sharing these things with others will atleast warn them to be on guard. Those were the days of " National Emergency" imposed by Ms. Indira Gandhi, ---I am not going into the merits or otherwise of the State of Nation in those days. There was a sense of discipline in everything,--trains were on time, people were scared of taking bribes,.
We used to stay in Factory Quarters situated near Kirkee Railway Station ( it was called Kirkee in those days later changed to Khadki). I used to go to Factory with one of my friends on his Scooter at 7.30 AM daily.Also I had the habit of collecting Magazines from Railway Bookstall.There was never any problem earlier. But on that fateful day, as usual I collected the magazines and was about to come out of the Platform and I failed to notice that Madras- Bombay Express ( those cities were known by those names only ) was about to leave and quite a number of passengers got down. Suddenly there was tap on my shoulder and the menacing voice demanded to show the ticket !! I meekly told him I didnot have one. He literally pushed me to a Room like thing and pulled my hand and almost snapped the handcuffs shut. Did you ever see hand cuffs ? They can be used for a pair of hands whether of a single human being or two different characters !!! There were 7 chaps already caught without ticket, and one part of
a handcuff was idle and they wanted to take all these captives to Pune Railway Station Court.
I was supposed to be that unfortunate 8 th batsman !!! Just before he snapped the handcuff shut, I started pleading innocence and tried to prove that I did not travel from Madras.
There was lot of shouting and believe me I had the closest brush with the Law on that day and short of crying , I tried to prove my honesty. To my good luck and on hearing the commotion in the Room, their Boss has entered and enquired . I repeated my story and informed him that I was on my way to Factory and , shown my ID card, even shown & offered the hot contents of my Tiffin Box ( affectionately called Dubba ). He asked a simple question whether I can prove that I had not got down from that train. He was not convinced with all my explanation and finally I offered to take him to my Residence which was behind the Railway Station. Meanwhile
the police brought another character in Rags to complete the Quota of 8 persons & 4 Handcuffs !
Now that ,Day's target of rounding up ticketless travellers was achieved, the Inspector was kind enough to give me a discourse on Railways and that he was letting me off as I looked like a gentleman etc.... ( only moments earlier I was about to be packed off and paraded in the august company of 7 chaps !!) . He enlightened me about the Flying Squad on the Trains and their job is only to identify ticketless travellers & hand them over to the police and ensure to snap the handcuffs shut. These can be opened only in the court !!! In fact lot of beggars volunteer to get arrested as they are assured of a square meal in the prison !! I nearly became part of History on that day. The Inspector then advised me to purchase a platform Ticket or atleast take permission from the TT at the gate. The idea is when caught in an embarassing situation there should be atleast one soul to identify , otherwise be prepared to spend time in Lock up Room of Railway police.
Now it is 32 years and I never step out on Railway Platform without a valid ticket.